


left me wretched, retching on all fours

by witchofobscenity



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Ambiguously Underage, Angst, Crying, Delicious Delicious Trauma, Dubious Consent, F/M, Father/Son Incest, Flashbacks, Guilt, Hurt Insufficient Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Incest, M/M, Non-consensual Exhibitionism, Praise Kink, Public Sex, Rape Aftermath, Shame, Size Difference, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, don't worry the comfort will come eventually, or at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:21:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofobscenity/pseuds/witchofobscenity
Summary: O great calamity,Den of iniquity and tearsHow I abhor this placeIts sweet and bitter tasteHas left me wretched, retching on all foursZagreus was drowning and the more he struggled to keep his head above water, the faster he sank.
Relationships: Hades/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Megaera/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 177





	1. Father I'm Not Feeling Well

**Author's Note:**

> I've discovered a new fandom to make garbage for! Hades is my new obsession and I am very much enjoying all the fucked up stuff here. There's not enough Hades/Zag on AO3 though, so I've decided to remedy that. 
> 
> As always, mind the tags. I might need to add more as I go, but I'll try to tag anything that might be triggering. If I miss anything, though, please let me know. There's a lot of trauma and poor coping mechanisms. 
> 
> Fic title is from Los Angeles, I'm Yours by The Decemberists. Chapter title is from The Hazards of Love 3 also by The Decemberists. There might a theme to the title naming in this fic haha

“Zagreus,” Hades said gruffly. “Come here.”

He was sitting where he always sat: at the wooden desk at the end of the hall. It stood large and looming in front of Zagreus and he tried not to let that get to him. His father was always large and looming. He just didn’t usually look so angry. 

“What is it, father?” Zagreus asked, trying to sound casual. 

Hades stared sternly at him. He brought his hand down, loudly, onto the surface of the large desk. 

“Come here,” Hades repeated. “ _ Now. _ ”

Nimbly, Zagreus moved up and around the side of the desk to stand next to his father. Hades stood slowly and stepped to the side. 

Zagreus, thinking he was meant to look at one of the papers on the high surface, pulled out a stack of books from under the desk and stood on it to properly investigate the parchment strewn about there. His eyes were scanning the pages trying to find what his father was showing him. Nothing seemed to be relevant to him, only the normal paperwork. He started to turn to face his father when he felt a large hand on his back, forcing Zagreus down so his chest was flush with the surface of the desk. 

“Hey, what are you-?” Zagreus started but Hades cut him off.

“Have you not embarrassed me enough?” the god growled. He applied more pressure, pushing his son more roughly against his desk. “Are you not sick of the constant attempts to escape? Of telling everyone that the great Hades can’t even control his own son?”

“I thought you didn’t care about my escape attempts,” Zagreus said, trying to keep the snark in his voice, but starting to feel the beginnings of fear pooling in his stomach. “You said it didn’t matter because I would never make it out.”

“And now,” Hades breathed, leaning over the boy and draping himself over his back. “I’m tired of it.”

Zagreus squirmed under his father’s weight, acutely aware of how much the other god dwarfed him in size. He could feel his father’s breath hot on the back of his neck. 

“So what now?” Zagreus quipped. “You’re going to punish me?” He smirked to cover how unsettled he felt.

“Exactly,” Hades purred and Zagreus could imagine the harsh, smug smile on his father’s face. It wasn’t often that he smiled, he was a very serious man, but when he did it left an impression. Hades stood up but left his hand firmly on his son’s back.

“So what are you going to do to me?” Zagreus asked, the confidence slowly ebbing from his voice. 

His father said nothing but ran his large hand up and down Zagreus’s back. He slid his hand up under the younger man’s tunic and his large calloused hands dragged across the soft skin there. The hand was warm, but Zagreus had goosebumps. He shivered. 

“You want to make a spectacle of yourself?” Hades finally said, voice low and gruff. “Why don’t I show you off to everyone here?” 

Zagreus had a very bad feeling about where this was headed. He tried to jerk away as the giant fingers slid under the waistband of his leggings and tugged them down. His father’s hand slid up and down the gentle curve of his ass. Zagreus felt his terror slowly building. 

_ No, no, no. Not here. Not here. _

The hand withdrew. Zagreus felt the wild urge to run, knowing better than to think this was over, but the plan was futile. His father would soon catch him and his punishment would only become worse. He heard the sound of a bottle being uncorked and his stomach dropped. This was really happening. 

Zagreus jumped when he felt his father’s hand return, now slick with oil, to cover his ass. He screwed his eyes shut as the first finger forced its way inside of him. 

Zagreus gripped the desk tightly, trying not to let any tears escape. It hurt. Not the same as being killed, which he had plenty of experience with, but it still hurt. It always hurt.

“Come now, son,” Hades growled dangerously. He used his free hand to tangle in the boy’s hair and yanked his head up. “Look at your audience. You’re the one who wants to show off. Go ahead. They’re all watching.”

Zagreus looked out over the huge hall. The shades were frozen in place. Hypnos met his gaze for a moment then looked away, guilty. Zagreus’s eyes roamed the hall, trying to latch onto something, a friendly face. Achilles had wandered into the main hall, clearly investigating the sudden silence. The two locked eyes and something passed over Achilles’s face. Surprise, concern, and… something else. 

Disgust.

Achilles was disgusted by Zagreus. Zagreus suddenly felt very ashamed. This was disgusting.  _ He _ was disgusting.

“Please, father,” the boy begged. “Please not here.” He tried to look back over his shoulder at Hades, but the god held him firmly in place by the hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Zagreus babbled. The finger was slowly sliding in and out of him. “I’ll stop trying to escape. I’ll stay here and uphold your reputation. I’ll do anything. Please, just stop.”

A second finger squeezed inside Zagreus. He squirmed and gasped under his father’s ministrations. It was a strange sensation, but not one Zagreus was unfamiliar with. 

“I’ll do whatever you want,” the boy pleaded. “Take me back to your chambers. I’ll show you what a dutiful son I am. Just not here.”

His father’s fingers were forcing their way in and out of him, stretching and spreading him open. He paid no mind to Zagreus’s distress. He shoved a third finger into his son and the boy yelped, jerking back and, inadvertently, forcing the digits further inside of himself.

“So eager,” Hades laughed. He curled his fingers inside the boy and Zagreus gasped. “Don’t pretend you don’t like the attention.”

Zagreus whined. It was pitiful and undignified but he couldn’t stop it. His father knew exactly what buttons of his to press. He knew how to make his son weak and pliable under his hands. His firm and purposeful touches made Zagreus weep and come apart beneath him. 

“Are you not enjoying yourself, boy?” Hades asked. He reached his free hand over grip Zagreus’s embarrassingly hard cock. “Go on,” he growled. “Tell me how you feel.”

“Father,” Zagreus moaned. Hades’s large hand completely engulfed his cock. Zagreus was a sizable man and had nothing to be ashamed of in that department, but Hades was just so enormous. Everything about him was huge. 

The three fingers inside Zagreus suddenly withdrew. He felt the familiar ache of suddenly being empty. Of course it didn’t last for long. There was a shuffling of robes and more oil being poured before he felt a familiar pressure at his entrance. Zagreus tried to focus on his breathing and not panic. It’s not like he had never done this before. But, oh gods, his father really was going to fuck him in front of everyone, wasn’t he?

Slowly, painfully, Hades pushed inside. Zagreus scrambled to get purchase on the desk before him. His knuckles went white from the force he gripped the edge with. While he certainly had practice taking his father’s cock, it always took adjusting to. Everything about his father was huge, and taking that thing inside him was no easy feat. He closed his eyes and breathed purposefully from his nose. In, out. In, out. He’d done this before; he could do it again. In, out.

Eventually, Zagreus felt his father’s hips flush against him. He must be all the way inside then. Zagreus felt the unpleasant but not unfamiliar sense of  _ not right too big  _ and swore he could feel his father’s cock pressing at the back of his throat. He remembered once, when he was much younger, putting his hand to his abdomen as his father fucked him, surprised to find he couldn’t feel Hades enormous cock from the outside. It was so large it seemed unfathomable it could fit completely inside him. 

Then Zagreus was dragged forcefully back to the present as his father pulled out and immediately shoved back inside him. Zagreus cried out. He could feel tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. It was too much; everything was too much. One of his father’s large hands was rubbing up and down his back, a cruel mockery of comfort. Zagreus leaned forward, lying against the cool surface of the desk. It was pleasant against his hot face. Tears were now streaming from his eyes in earnest. He sniffed pitifully. 

For a moment, Zagreus lifted his eyes to the hall. It was a mistake. The room was unsettlingly still and quiet, everyone seeming almost frozen in time. Some were staring at him, others purposefully looking away, some just looked listlessly at the ground. The shame of being taken like this in such a public place threatened to engulf Zagreus. His stomach churned and he felt as though he might vomit. 

Then Hades wrapped his hand once again around his son’s cock and Zagreus moaned loudly.

“Don’t try to pretend you don’t like this,” his father chastised. “Tell me how it feels.”

This time Zagreus felt powerless to resist. “Gods, father,” he cried. “It’s good. It’s so good. Please, father, fuck me.”

Hades hummed, clearly pleased. “How can I deny my boy when he asks me so politely?”

Zagreus practically screamed as his father began pounding into him in earnest. The sensations were overtaking him. He was weeping and his face was dragged back and forth across the desk’s smooth surface as he was pushed and pulled by the force of his father’s thrusts. The wood was now wet with tears and saliva. It felt disgusting.

“Father,” Zagreus whined feebly.

“What is it, boy?” Hades teased, as though he knew the answer already. 

“I’m so close,” the boy gasped. He hated the way his body moved on instinct, pushing back against his father’s thrusts. He hated how his cock was hard and hot and leaking wantonly into Hades’s hand. 

“You want to cum?” Hades asked. His grip on Zagreus’s cock tightened. “You’ll have to ask politely.”

“Please,” Zagreus panted.

“Please what?”

“Please let me cum, father,” he cried shame lost in his desperation for release.

“Who am I to deny my boy when he asks so nicely,” Hades hummed. Suddenly his pace increased and the hand on his son’s cock began tugging on the sensitive flesh. Zagreus whimpered and moaned as he felt his orgasm building. It was too much. He couldn’t last like this. It was as if he forgot where he was, only aware of what he was feeling. 

“Father!” Zagreus came with a strangled sob. 

His father gave him no time to recover. He just continued pounding into the boy. Zagreus was whimpering, suddenly very overstimulated. Luckily he could tell his father was getting close. His thrusts were growing more erratic and his breathing was more labored. Hades gripped Zagreus’s tunic tightly, pushing the boy even harder against the desk. 

With a loud cry, Hades came, emptying his seed inside his son. 

Zagreus shivered at the sensation. Hades stood still for a moment. Zagreus could hear his father’s labored breathing above him, but felt unable to lift his head from the cool surface of the desk to look. Eventually, he felt his father pull out of him. Hades’s thick cum began sliding out of his son’s abused hole and down his thigh.

“I feel that was an adequate punishment,” Hades grumbled. There was a rustling of robes and suddenly his father was gone. “Hopefully you’ve learned something. Now, back to your quarters.”

Now that the adrenaline was beginning to fade, Zagreus felt the shame seep back into him. He finally drew enough strength to lift his head. As though the spell had been broken, the shades began moving again, the sound of low murmurings in the air. Hypnos was leaning casually against the wall, stealing glances at Zagreus when he thought he wouldn’t be caught.

Zagreus felt as though his legs were seconds away from failing him. He attempted to stand but stumbled and almost fell to the floor. In a moment, Achilles was there, grabbing his arm. He helped Zagreus to step unsteadily down from the pile of books he was standing on and pull his leggings back up over his hips. Achilles wrapped his arms carefully around Zagreus’s waist and the two of them made their way slowly to Zagreus’s room. Nyx, Zagreus realized as they made their way through the halls, was nowhere to be seen. He felt the tiniest bit of relief to realize she had not seen him like this.

Zagreus expected Achilles to leave him at the door but the hero walked him to his bed and helped him settle under sheets. Zagreus knew he should bathe first, that he would regret going straight to bed when he awoke the next morning, sticky and uncomfortable, but he suddenly felt exhausted. The reality of this situation was looming before him and Zagreus was not ready to deal with it yet. Unconsciousness was the best solution for now.

“Thank you, Achilles,” Zagreus mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

“Of course,” Achilles said and his voice sounded strained. “Sleep well.”

Zagreus listened for the sound of Achilles’s footsteps retreating and the low creak and then thud as his door was shut.

The boy looked up at the ceiling above him. Then he let his eyes flutter shut, forcing his breath to come out in slow, steady beats. There was nothing else to be done tonight. It was best to just sleep and figure out the rest tomorrow.

Eventually sleep welcomed Zagreus and the boy fell slowly into it’s dark and empty embrace. 


	2. We Are Bound By Symmetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only just posted the first chapter and I've already gotten so much love for it, so thank you to everyone that read/commented/gave kudos! I'll warn you all, though, these are the only two chapters I already had written, so the next parts might take longer. 
> 
> Also, I just finished the main Hades storyline and it has given me many Emotions but also ideas for this fic. There's a lot I'd like to explore. That said, nothing is set in stone yet, so any thoughts/input/feedback/random screaming you have, I'd love to hear it!
> 
> Title is from Red Right Ankle by The Decemberists. I told you there was a theme.

When Zagreus was young, he had adored his father. He was desperate for his love and attention. Hades, though, was always distant. He was not one to casually dole out affection. Zagreus found himself making mischief and causing all kinds of trouble just to get his father to look at him. Good or bad, he needed his father’s attention. Zagreus supposed that was how he had fallen so easily into this pattern.

Gods were very different from mortals. The concept of age existed for them, but it did not work the same way. Zagreus had a childhood and then became an adult, but the turning point was not clear cut. When you lived for hundreds or even thousands of years, time did not have the same weight. Still, Zagreus knew he had been far too young when his father had begun to take him into his private chambers.

There must have been a first time, a definitive moment that divided his life into  _ before  _ and  _ after _ . Sometimes Zagreus tried to imagine it. He liked to think it had been special, that his father had made him feel loved and important. Those were some of the few times that Hades had been affectionate, when Zagreus was in his bed. At first, at least.

So much of Zagreus’s youth felt foggy now. Some things he could remember clear as day, but others seemed locked away, hidden in some corner of his mind. Sometimes he got vague snippets of his past, old memories that bubbled to the surface when he least expected them. He could never predict what might trigger them, sometimes a casual touch or certain phrase.

It had happened once when he was training with Achilles. 

Zagreus and his mentor were sparring. Achilles was trying to teach him a certain move with his sword. Zagreus was struggling, sweat trickling down his face. As many times as he tried, he couldn’t quite step in time with the swinging of his blade. Achilles, ever patient, was calling out tips and encouragements as he deftly avoided each attack.

“Try to twist your wrist as you swing. You’ve almost got it. Now, just make it one fluid motion. Good, good. Keep going.”

When Zagreus had finally managed to get the move right, his sword expertly knocking Achilles’s own from his hand, his mentor had beamed at him.

“Yes! Yes, just like that.”

_ “Yes, just like that.” Hades’s voice was low and soft. _

_ Zagreus peered up at his father. His small hands, smaller even than now, were wrapped around Hades’s cock. They were sitting on his father’s massive bed, Zagreus kneeling between Hades’s thighs.  _

_ “Very good, boy,” his father said gently. Zagreus smiled proudly at the praise.  _

_ “It feels good?” Zagreus asked. Hades chuckled.  _

_ “Why don’t you try using your tongue?” his father suggested. _

_ “My… tongue?” Zagreus sounded uncertain. _

_ Hades nodded, encouragingly. Zagreus leaned forward and ran his tongue up the length of his father’s cock. He felt it twitch under his grasp and Hades groaned loudly. Zagreus, pleased with this reaction, continued licking up and down his father’s cock.  _

_ “See how much you can take in your mouth,” Hades grunted. _

_ Zagreus opened his mouth wide and tried to take in as much of the length as he could. Even when he was drooling and gagging at the intrusion, he couldn’t fit the whole head in his mouth. After a minute of struggling, Zagreus pulled off. _

_ “I’m sorry, father,” he said, massaging his jaw. “That’s all I can do.” _

_ “Don’t worry, boy,” Hades reassured him. “Soon you will be able to do more. I await the day I will truly be able to take you.” _

_ “What do you mean, take me?” Zagreus asked, uncertainly. _

_ “This,” Hades said, gripping his cock, “will go inside you.” _

_ “Inside me?” Zagreus was feeling a bit wary. “How?” _

_ “Let me show you,” his father said. He leaned over to grab a bottle off of his nightstand. It was some kind of oil. Hades pulled his son up until he was flush against his chest, Zagreus’s tiny hands gripping his father’s shoulders. _

_ “Now just relax,” Hades told him, pulling the cork from the bottle and pouring its contents over his fingers. _

_ “What are you doing?” Zagreus asked nervously. Hades’s large, oiled hand was rubbing Zagreus’s ass.  _

_ “Just relax,” his father repeated, and forced one of his fingers into Zagreus.  _

_ Zagreus cried out. It hurt. It hurt so much. He began to cry. _

_ “Shh, it’s alright,” Hades murmured. His other hand was rubbing up and down Zagreus’s back.  _

_ Zagreus tried to calm down, blinking tears from his eyes. If one finger hurt this much, how would that… that  _ **_thing_ ** _ fit inside him. _

_ Hades seemed to guess what he was thinking. _

_ “Don’t worry, boy,” he said. “We’ll keep practicing until you’re comfortable. Then, when you’re ready, I will take you.” _

Zagreus dropped his sword and stumbled backwards, falling to the ground. The world felt like it was spinning around him. 

Achilles stared down at him, looking concerned.

“Are you all right, Zagreus?” he asked, frowning.

“I’m fine, I just…” Zagreus started, but stopped short, not knowing how to explain what had just happened. 

Achilles offered him a hand and pulled him up. 

“I think that’s enough training for today,” he said. “You did well. I’m sure your father will be very proud of your progress.”

Zagreus’s stomach twisted a bit at the mention of his father, but nodded. 

“Yeah, let’s go back inside.”

  
  
  
  


It seemed to happen the most with Megaera though. Anytime he tried to get close to her, Zagreus felt new memories trickling through the dam in his head. He was sure one day it was going to burst and he would have to deal with everything his mind was trying to keep him from remembering. 

One of the worst was when he and Megaera were alone in his room. She was lying on her side beside him in bed, her hand resting on his hip. She leaned forward and brought their lips together. Zagreus kissed her back gently. Megaera smiled, then shoved him down by the shoulder until he was lying flat on his back. She climbed up to straddle his lap, staring down hungrily at him. She was so warm and solid and Zagreus was staring up at her and-

_ His father was standing over him, glaring down at Zagreus. They were in Zagreus’s room this time, Hades seeming even larger in the small space. Zagreus had done something to upset his father. He couldn’t remember what, but Hades was especially angry.  _

_ Zagreus was lying on his back under Hades’s terrifying gaze. He attempted to sit up on his bed, but his father grabbed his shoulder and flipped him onto his stomach. Zagreus groaned as the wind was knocked out of him.  _

_ “If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like a child,” Hades growled. He sat down beside his son, the bed creaking under both their weights, and yanked the smaller god across his lap. Zagreus wriggled futilely in his father’s grasp. _

_ Hades lifted his hand and brought it down swiftly across Zagreus’s backside. Zagreus yelped.  _

_ “Quiet, boy,” Hades said firmly.  _

_ “Maybe if you stop manhandling me,” Zagreus grumbled.  _

_ Hades brought his hand down even harder the next time.  _

_ Zagreus grunted. “What exactly do you want from me, father? What can I do to make you happy?” he asked, sarcastically.  _

_ “Your insolence is insufferable. I would like even an ounce of respect,” Hades said. _

_ “Yes, father, right away,” Zagreus mocked.  _

_ Hades stood up, shoving his son out of the way.  _

_ “What, already tired of disciplining me? Am I so much of a lost cause?” Zagreus asked, pushing himself up onto his elbows.  _

_ Hades didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed the waistband of Zagreus’s leggings and pulled them off with enough force that they nearly tore.  _

_ “Hey,” Zagreus yelled as his father tossed the article carelessly to the side. He scrambled up to kneel on the bed.  _

_ “That’s enough, boy,” Hades growled at him. “If you won’t give me the respect I deserve, I shall have to find some other use for you.” _

_ Zagreus glared as his father pulled a small bottle of oil from his robes. “What, if you can’t have my respect, you’ll have to make do with my ass?” _

_ Hades ignored him and shoved Zagreus forward onto his hands and knees. He uncorked the bottle and drizzled it over his son’s ass. Zagreus frowned at the sensation, then grimaced as his father forced a finger inside him.  _

_ “Can’t you be a little more gentle?” Zagreus grumbled. _

_ “You think you deserve that?” Hades asked, working the large finger in and out. “You think you’ve earned that?” _

_ Far too soon after, Hades added a second finger into his son. Zagreus grabbed a pillow and pulled it towards him, sinking his face into the fabric to avoid making any noise. Hades smirked down at the boy squirming before him.  _

_ “Your fingers are too big,” Zagreus mumbled into the pillow. _

_ “You’re lucky you get them at all,” Hades told him. “I could simply take you with no preparation.”  _

_ Zagreus didn’t know if he agreed that it was really  _ **_lucky_ ** _ , but he was sure things could be much worse for him. He stifled a grunt with the pillow as a third finger forced its way inside of him. _

_ “Ah, wonderful silence,” Hades mocked him. Zagreus was desperate to make some kind of retort but wasn’t sure how steady his voice would be right now. _

_ Hades removed his fingers and Zagreus felt the bed shift as his father knelt behind him. Hades grabbed Zagreus’s hips and forced them up level with his. Zagreus struggled to find a way for his legs to support him at this angle, only managing it on his toes. He pushed himself up from the pillow, missing the comfort of being able to hide his face but unable to keep his back bent that way. _

_ Zagreus tried to brace himself the best he could in that position as Hades began pushing inside. It was a sensation Zagreus could never quite get used to. Even as a god, there was only so much his body could take and this felt very close to his limit. It wasn’t always awful, though. Some days his father was slow and gentle and made sure Zagreus actually enjoyed himself. It felt almost loving. _

_ Today was not one of those days. _

_ Hades grabbed hold of Zagreus’s hips and shoved inside in one fluid movement. He gave the boy no time to adjust and immediately pulled out and slammed back in. Zagreus cried out and gripped the sheets beneath him hard enough that his knuckles went white.  _

_ “Slow down,” Zagreus gasped. “Father, it’s too much. Please slow down.” _

_ Hades paid him no mind. He continued his pace, hard and fast, until Zagreus’s begging became incoherent babbling. _

_ “Father, please, I can’t,” Zagreus sobbed. “It’s too… it hurts, father, please stop.” _

_ “You’ve made your bed, boy, now lie in it,” Hades grunted.  _

_ Zagreus was crying. His legs had given up trying to hold him so his father held him up by the waist, moving him back and forth in time with his thrusts.  _

_ “Father, I’ll… I’ll be a better son… I’ll show you… I just… I…. please stop… I don’t… don’t want…” Zagreus gasped as each snap of his father’s hips sent him hurtling closer to the edge of something he didn’t know if he could come back from.  _

_ “You’d best learn to respect me. You’ve only me. And I have only you. We are alone together in this foul place. There is no escape. You had better figure out how to live with it.” _

Zagreus shoved Megaera off of him and scrambled off the side of the bed.

“Zag, what the hell?” Megaera yelled. She crawled over to the edge of the bed and peered down at Zagreus. He was shaking and had covered his face with his hands.

“Zag,” she said more softly. “What’s wrong?”

Zagreus said nothing. Megaera climbed down to sit beside him. She made to put a hand on his shoulder but the god jerked away and looked up at her with terror in his eyes.

“Zag, I need you to talk to me,” Megaera told him gently. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

Zag opened his mouth but nothing came out. Eventually he gave up and closed it. He let his gaze fall to the floor and curled in on himself. 

“Zagreus,” Megaera said, her concern mounting. 

“Just go, Meg,” Zagreus told her. His voice was quiet and unsteady. “You can’t help.”

“I can’t help because you’re not letting me in,” Megaera said. She sounded frustrated. “Zag, you need to talk to me.”

Zagreus said nothing.

Eventually Megaera gave up. She pushed herself to her feet and stood for a moment, staring down at Zagreus. 

“Relationships are a two way street, Zagreus,” Megaera said, almost coldly. “I can’t do this all myself.”

Zagreus ignored her, staring at the ground with a blank expression. He desperately wanted to talk to her, to tell her what had happened, but that would just drag her into this whole mess. He didn’t want to taint her with the disease that was his life. It was best to just let her go.

“Fine,” Megeara said finally. “Have it your way.”

She walked out of the room. Zagreus listened to the clicking of her heels grow further and further away. She was gone.

Zagreus didn’t sleep in that bed for a long time after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a vague idea where I'm going from here. I'm thinking another chapter then a short chapter/epilogue to end it. That could all change once I start writing, though! 
> 
> Also, there are some aspects of canon that I'm messing with or straight up rewriting. Some small stuff you might not even notice (like 'AU Where Zagreus Gets A Fucking Door') but other stuff like Zagreus having been in Hades private chambers before does actually affect other parts of the story. To be completely honest, I don't know exactly what is gonna have to change as a result, but I am keeping this kind of stuff in mind and some of it will come up later. 
> 
> Once again, if you want to laugh at my emotional distress and thirst over Hades, my Twitter is @obscenitywitch. I also post art sometimes!


	3. You Wept But Your Soul Was Willing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly thought this would take much longer but I am just knocking out this story. I'm having a ball. 
> 
> This chapter gets more into how complicated Zagreus and Hades's relationship is. The first two chapters sort of give the impression that Hades is some kind of unrepentant abuser with no redeemable qualities while Zagreus is some helpless victim with no autonomy and there's a lot more to it than that. In the game, they have a very complex relationship and I've just made it more difficult with the addition of sex. That being said, the consent in this chapter is super murky and for some people that can be worse than straight up rape, so proceed with caution. 
> 
> Title is from We Both Go Down Together by (shocker) The Decemberists.

Zagreus could never bring himself to hate Hades.

It would have been so much easier if he could. If he could just hate his father, maybe he could find some kind of peace. But even at his worst, Hades still had Zagreus wrapped around his finger. 

In some ways, Zagreus preferred it when Hades was cruel. He could deal with anger and frustration. Those were two things Zagreus knew well. He found solace in the pain. There was comfort in relinquishing control, responsibility. What Zagreus hated the most was the shame.

It was hard not to fall into the same patterns, though. The Underworld was the only place Zagreus had ever known, but sometimes it still didn’t feel like home. His father’s chambers were often a safe space for Zagreus, as contradictory as that seemed. 

That was why Zagreus found himself, as he often did, standing before Hades’s private chambers. Time was irrelevant down here and his father had no real need to sleep, but Hades would still retire to his chambers when he felt so inclined. 

Zagreus held his fist hesitantly in front of the wooden door. Every time he came to his father like this, he felt like he was conceding another sliver of his soul. He found temporary comfort in his father’s bed, but at what cost? And yet… and yet, here he was.

Zagreus brought his fist down to knock once on the solid wood. 

“Enter,” his father called shortly. 

Zagreus pushed open the heavy door and stepped inside. The room was quiet and still. Hades stood contemplatively next to the window. 

“What is it, boy?” Hades asked, but without the usual hardness to his voice.

“I wanted to see you, father,” Zagreus said quietly. 

There was a moment of silence, then Hades turned to look at his son. There was something gentle in his gaze. Zagreus felt a pleasant fluttering in his stomach. To see his father so unguarded was not something Zagreus was accustomed to, despite the time they spent together.

“Come here,” Hades said, voice gruff but not unkind.

Zagreus approached slowly. His father outstretched his arm and Zagreus tucked himself beneath it, curling into Hades’s large chest. Hades snorted but wrapped the arm around his son’s small form. 

They stood like that for a moment, neither saying a word. 

“Please, father,” Zagreus whispered and it was as if a spell had been lifted. Hades lifted the boy easily and carried him to the bed. He deposited Zagreus carefully on the rich, red sheets. Zagreus buried his face in the pillow, breathing in the familiar scent of his father. 

Hades stroked the boy’s hair, looking down at his son with a certain fondness in his gaze. Zagreus hummed contentedly, drinking up the affection he was so rarely given. Hades then turned his attention to undressing his son. He undid Zagreus’s belt and dropped it unceremoniously onto the floor. Zagreus shivered as his father’s warm hands slid under his tunic and gently pulled it off over his head. 

Zagreus lifted his hips without needing to be asked and his father tugged his leggings slowly down his thighs. Hades ran a hand down his son’s bare chest. Zagreus stared up at his father, now naked except for his laurels. 

Hades seemed to drink in the sight of Zagreus laid bare before him. 

“Father,” Zagreus whined, craving more of the god’s touch. This seemed to bring Hades back. He stood up and began to disrobe. Zagreus watched quietly from where he lay on the bed. When he was finished, Hades returned to sit next to his son, the bed creaking under his weight. 

“Are you sure you want…?” Hades asked, trailing off. He sounded uncharacteristically uncertain. 

Zagreus suddenly felt torn.  _ Did _ he want this? He was the one who came to Hades, who asked to be touched. He wanted to feel loved by his father. But was this really how he wanted it?

Zagreus had been his father’s bedmate for years. It was something that came naturally to him at this point. He knew things about Hades no son should know about his father. Zagreus had some idea that this wasn’t right, but he had no real frame of reference. He was so isolated here in his father’s house, he had no way of knowing what was normal. 

For the first time, Zagreus felt like he had a choice and it frightened him. 

Could Zagreus really say no? The thought was equal parts fascinating and terrifying. Maybe if he said no, he could finally escape from his father’s shadow. He could break free of this self destructive cycle and find out who he really was. He could exist without his father. But if he did…

If he did, he would be lost. Zagreus worried that, without his father, he would simply disappear. That there would be nothing left of him. This was all he knew. Besides, in these moments, no matter how few and far between, he felt like he was truly connected to his father. The two of them understood each other. Zagreus felt… loved. 

His mind was made up. Zagreus reached out a hand to cover his father’s own larger one. Hades turned to look at his son, putting his whole focus on the boy. Zagreus felt even more exposed than before. It was as if his father was staring straight through to his soul. 

“I do,” Zagreus said softly. 

A very complicated look came over Hades’s face. Zagreus wasn’t sure what it meant, but in a moment it was gone, overtaken by a strong resolve. Hades crawled over top of Zagreus. He reached a long arm to grab the glass bottle on the table beside his bed. Before he even uncorked it, Hades let his free hand rest on his son’s naked thigh, his thumb rubbing the sensitive skin there. 

Zagreus felt a tightness in his chest at the tender look his father was giving him. It was suddenly all too much. Zagreus turned his head to bury his face in the pillow once more. He heard his father pull the cork from the bottle and pour its contents over his fingers. Zagreus whimpered at the familiar sensation of his father’s oil slick fingers pressing at his entrance. 

“I’ve got you,” Hades said, almost to himself, as he slid the first digit into his son. 

Zagreus gasped softly. When his father was gentle and took his time, this process was bearable, pleasant even. The gradual stretching feeling was nice. He felt full, complete. Zagreus sighed as his father fingered him, feeling himself being molded into something beautiful by his father’s careful hand. 

Hades’s free hand was slowly roaming Zagreus’s delicate skin. It slid over his broad chest, taut stomach, sturdy thighs. Zagreus let all the different sensations wash over him. He didn’t even flinch as a second finger joined the first inside of him.

“Beautiful,” Hades mumbled and Zagreus felt his face grow very hot. He was ravenous for his father’s praise but never quite knew what to do with it. He squirmed a bit when his father’s hand ended up on his hip, tracing the line above the bone there.

“You really are beautiful,” Hades continued. “And so tight and warm around my fingers. It’s as if you’re trying to draw me in.”

Zagreus moaned at those words. For a moment, he really believed he was beautiful. If that was how his father saw him, that was all that mattered.

“Please, father,” Zagreus whimpered. “I need you.”

“Patience,” his father breathed, spreading Zagreus wide open with his gentle touch. “I want you to feel good.”

Zagreus whined, letting his legs fall further open. It was driving him crazy. When his father was angry or simply aloof, he would pry Zagreus open and force his way inside without a second thought. Hades would take what he wanted from the boy without regard for Zagreus’s own wants and needs. Now, though, Hades was taking his time. 

“I love seeing you like this,” Hades told him, voice low. “You look so lovely, laid out for me like the finest feast.”

Zagreus brought his fist up to his mouth, trying to stifle the moans spilling from his lips. 

“None of that, boy,” Hades said, reaching up to pull Zagreus’s hand away. “I want to hear all the wonderful sounds you’re making for me.”

Zagreus moaned loudly at that. He loved being showered in praise. He drank in every compliment like a man dying of thirst. It was like a drug for him. 

“You’re so good for me,” Hades said as he pushed a third finger into his son. “I want you to feel good too.”

Zagreus felt like he was going crazy. This was too much. Physically, he felt wonderful, but his emotions were running wild. He desperately wanted his father to love him, to tell him that he loved him. He wanted it to make up for all the times Hades was cruel and callous. He wanted to believe this was genuine. Oh how he wanted to believe that. He couldn’t bear to think that this was all some kind of manipulation. 

Still, the thought was often on his mind. Did Hades really love him or was he just using him? How could he be so kind and gently now and then so terrible other times? Zagreus never quite knew what to think of his father. His feelings for Hades were so tangled up and tied into knots, that he couldn’t pull them apart if he tried. Maybe he should just leave it be. Perhaps some things were better left alone. 

Hades finally withdrew his fingers. For a moment, Zagreus felt unbearably empty. He needed something to fill him up, to hold him together. He needed something to keep him from falling apart. Then he felt the familiar press of Hades at his entrance, and took a deep breath. This was it.

Hades pushed in. He went slowly, so very slowly. It didn’t hurt, not too much at least, but feeling every inch of his father’s cock slide inside of him, dragging along his inner walls, was almost too much for Zagreus to bear. He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. Eventually Hades was fully sheathed inside of him. His father stilled and remained like that for a moment, completely connected with his son. 

“Gods,” Hades murmured. “It’s as if you were made just for me.”

Tears began to stream down Zagreus’s face. This wasn’t right. He knew it wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be this totally and agonizingly dependent on his father. He shouldn’t be so desperate for his father’s love that he would do anything to get it. He needed to get away. He needed to escape. He needed…

He needed more.

“Father,” Zagreus wept. He wrapped his legs as far as they would go around his father’s waist. His father was holding him up by his hips, Zagreus’s body draped over his father’s thighs. Often his father would toss him around like a ragdoll, moving him into whatever position suited Hades best. Now, though, he was gentle. When he started moving, he was careful not to jostle his son too much. Zagreus lay sobbing beneath his father. 

“It’s alright, boy,” Hades said. He took one hand from his son’s hip and reached out to wipe the tears from his face. That only made Zagreus cry more. His eyes were screwed shut and his hands clawed at the sheets beneath him.

“Look at me,” Hades demanded, but in a strained voice. 

“Please.” Hades's voice broke. “Please look at me.” 

Zagreus opened his eyes. 

His father looked so…. so vulnerable. Zagreus felt something tighten in his chest. Maybe, he thought for the first time, maybe his father was just as messed up as he was. Maybe Hades was just as lost and desperate for something to cling to. Zagreus was all Hades had. 

Zagreus had a moment of clarity. He stared up into his father’s eyes as Hades fucked him. This codependent thing he had with his father had to stop. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t fair to Zagreus and, honestly, it wasn’t fair to Hades either. No matter what love they had for each other once, it had become so sick and twisted it was nearly unrecognizable from the original emotion. 

Zagreus wanted to hate his father, but instead he pitied him. He loved Hades in a huge, complicated, and messy way. They had their ups and certainly had their downs, but they were tapped forever in this vicious cycle. Love or hate wouldn’t save them. 

Zagreus needed to leave. 

This idea had been floating around Zagreus’s head for awhile. He had thought about trying to escape. He could go to the surface, find his mother, become something other than his father’s son. It was scary, the idea of leaving everything he knew. Zagreus knew he would probably fail, but he now also knew he had to try. 

The revelation brought a wave of peace cascading over the boy. 

Hades continued thrusting into the boy. Zagreus felt in the moment but also far away. He was still gasping and moaning at his father’s movements. He could feel pleasure creeping up on him as his father’s cock burned hot inside of him. Hades must have had some idea that Zagreus was getting close because he grasped his son’s cock in his huge hand and began to tug at it. 

“Father,” Zagreus groaned. “Father, I’m going to cum.”

“Go ahead,” Hades grunted. “I want to see you cum.”

That was what sent Zagreus over the edge. He threw his head back and cried out as he came. Hades worked him through his orgasm, offering soft encouragements as Zagreus emptied himself over his father’s fist. 

“I’m almost finished,” Hades told him, very out of breath. “I’m so close. You’re doing so well. You’re so good for me. You’re so…”

Hades shuddered and gasped as he finally came.

“ _ Zagreus. _ ”

It felt odd to hear his name coming from his father’s lips. Zagreus was so used to being called ‘boy’ that he sometimes wondered if his father even remembered his name. Zagreus wasn’t sure how he felt about this change. 

Hades stayed like that for a moment, still inside of his son even after he had completely filled the boy with his cum. Slowly, Hades pulled out, gently lowering Zagreus to lay back on the bed. Zagreus stared up at the ceiling, unmoving, as he listened to his father get up and walk away. He felt something drop onto his chest and looked down. His father had given him a towel.

“You’ll probably want a bath,” Hades mumbled. “But I can give you this for now.”

Zagreus sat up and began to wipe himself down. He was covered in sweat, his own cum coating his stomach and his father’s oozing obscenely out of him. Hades was right. The towel wouldn’t do much. Hopefully it could at least get him presentable enough to make it back to his room though. Hades sat next to him on the bed, looking conflicted. He stared at his son, but Zagreus refused to meet his eyes.

“You’re so much like her,” his father said quietly. “You’re so much like your mother.”

Zagreus didn't think he was meant to hear that. Hades had almost whispered it to himself. The words made Zagreus feel something, but he wasn’t quite sure what. He didn’t know how to react, being compared to a woman he had never been allowed to meet. 

Eventually, Hades rose from the bed and began to get dressed. He set Zagreus’s clothes beside him and made his way towards the door. Before he left, he turned to look at Zagreus. Something complicated crossed over his face. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead closed it and nodded at his son. Zagreus, unsure of what to do, nodded back. Hades then walked out of the room, letting the door thud shut behind him.

It took Zagreus a few minutes to collect his thoughts. He began to pull his clothing back on, uncomfortably aware of where the fabric clung to his sticky flesh. He needed to make a final decision. He had to do something, one way or another. It was time to make a choice. As he walked out of his father’s chambers and made his way back to his own quarters, he felt a sense of finality wash over him. He knew what to do. 

The next day, Zagreus made his first attempt to escape the underworld. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be at least one more chapter, but probably not much more than that. After that, it's gonna get more into the Comfort part of the Hurt/Comfort and shift tonally/thematically/whatever so I'm gonna have it as a separate fic. The more I think about the sequel though, the more I'm thinking it's gonna be much longer than this fic. There's just a lot of characters I want to have interact with Zag to help him heal (or maybe make it worse). He has a lot of people that care about him and I feel he's earned it after all that I've put him through. I also want to come to a satisfying conclusion and tie up loose ends and that's gonna take some time. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm @obscenitywitch over on twitter, still having Emotions about this fucking game. Come join if you want.


	4. If Only For a Second (If Only For a Time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't actually have any sex in it (shocking, I know) but there's still lots of references to some unsavory stuff. It takes place right after the first chapter and is kind of the aftermath of what happened there. There is an attempt at some comfort, but poor Zag is just gonna have to wait for the sequel to really start healing. I tried to wrap everything up nicely while still leaving it open to write more.
> 
> The title is from Cavalry Captain. You know who the band is.

When Zagreus awakened the next day, or what passed for a day down here, it took a minute for the past few hours to come flooding back to him. He had come back home after another failed escape attempt. Hades had asked to see him. His father had…

His father had fucked him, had  _ raped him _ , in front of the entire house. 

Gods, what was Zagreus supposed to do now? This thing he had with his father, he had learned to live with that. Some of their encounters were better than others, and even though their last one was particularly bad, Zagreus could suffer through the pain. It was the shame of everyone knowing that had him immobilized in his bed.

As much as Zagreus wanted to roll over and just go back to sleep, he knew he would have to face this at some point. No time like the present. He sat up slowly, feeling an ache deep inside him. He tried to ignore it but the pain only intensified as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand up.

He needed to bathe. Zagreus could feel where his father’s cum had dried on the back of his legs. There was some of his own release on his stomach as well. He forced himself, unsteadily, to his feet and limped towards the doorway to the rest of the house.

What was the point of divinity, Zagreus thought, if a bit of rough sex had him falling apart? Every step he took sent a jolt of pain shooting up his spine. At the very least, he should be used to this by now. It wasn’t like this was the first time Hades had taken him so thoroughly. He had years, centuries, of practice taking his father’s cock. He had practically been molded around it. 

Zagreus took a deep, steadying breath and pushed open the door. 

The house was exactly as it had been the day before. Zagreus wasn’t sure what he had expected. A hush didn’t fall over the corridor when he stepped out into it. All eyes didn’t fall on him. For the most part, Zagreus was ignored as he shuffled down the hall. He risked a quick peek into the lounge as he passed.

He could see Megaera seated at one of the tables, sipping from a small glass. Her attention was focused on her companion. Dusa was floating at the table across from her, prattling on cheerily about something or other. Megaera was frowning, but that seemed to be her default state. She actually looked to be enjoying her talk with the gorgon head. 

Megaera must have felt his gaze on her, though, because she turned her head to look at him. For a moment, their eyes met. Did she know? She hadn’t been in the house yesterday, but word could have spread in the time Zagreus had been asleep. 

She must think him so pathetic. His failed escape attempts were bad enough, but completely submitting to his father in such a public way was humiliating. Before she could say or do anything, Zagreus looked away. He hurried past the doorway, wincing at the pain in his ass. 

The halls were just as busy and crowded as usual but mostly full of nameless, faceless shades. Nyx was still nowhere to be seen. Hypnos was asleep at his post. It was easy for Zagreus to sneak by unnoticed. 

His father’s desk was, mercifully, empty. Zagreus didn’t know where Hades was but was relieved he did not have to deal with him right now. He had nearly made it to the hallway that led to the bath when a familiar voice called out to him.

“Zagreus.”

Achilles was staring at him. He looked concerned. 

“Lad, come here for a moment,” he said.

Zagreus considered ignoring him. Achilles would want to have a serious discussion about what had happened. It was a talk that Zagreus did not want to have now, especially with dried sweat and cum still stuck to his skin. What could Achilles do anyway? He was a servant in his father’s house. There was nothing he could say that would make a difference. However, when he met Achilles’s gaze, the other man’s kind eyes softened him. 

Zagreus limped over to his mentor. Achilles winced as though Zagreus’s pain was his own. Zagreus felt his face warm in embarrassment. He wanted to pretend nothing had happened, but even if he thought Achilles would let him, it would be hard with the evidence causing a sharp pain to wrack his body every time he moved.

“What is it, sir?” Zagreus asked, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Are you alright?” Achilles asked gently.

“I’m fine,” he said shortly. He tried to keep his face neutral, but the look Achilles was giving him was wearing on him. It was so gentle and caring. Zagreus felt powerless.

“Lad, about yesterday…” Achilles started. 

“What about yesterday?” Zagreus asked, feigning ignorance. Achilles frowned at him.

“You know what I mean,” Achilles said sternly. That flipped a switch in Zagreus.

“What if I don’t know what you mean?” he snapped. “Will you say it? Out loud? Admit that something like that can happen in this house? That it  _ has _ happened?”

Achilles looked taken aback. He reached a hand out to put on Zagreus’s shoulder but his student jerked away. 

“Lad, I’m sorry,” Achilles said softly. “I want to help.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” Zagreus told him, anger already beginning to fade, a sad resignation taking its place. “Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to take a bath.”

Achilles just frowned at him. He looked pensive. Zagreus wondered if his teacher would let him go. 

“Or would you rather I stand here covered in my father’s cum?” Zagreus shot back at him. Achilles paled at that. Zagreus knew it wasn’t fair. His teacher only wanted to help. It wasn’t his fault that Zagreus was beyond saving. 

Achilles looked like he was going to say something but thought better of it. He nodded at the boy and Zagreus left, making his way gingerly past him. Luckily no one else tried to talk to him and he finally made it to the bath. 

He stripped his soiled clothes and lowered himself slowly into the warm water. He sighed at the feeling. It was a relief to be able to wash his father off of him. The less that reminded Zagreus of the night before, the better. As much as he wanted to scrub his skin until it was red and raw, he knew that would only make him feel worse. He took a washcloth and gently rubbed the evidence off of his stomach and thighs. Even after he was totally clean, he remained in the bath.

Zagreus let his thoughts wander as the steam filled the room around him. Maybe he could just… pretend nothing happened. Who was going to challenge him on it? Besides, it would only be a matter of time before he made it to the surface and reunited with his mother. He could soon be free of this place, of his father, and never think of it again. That thought gave him the strength to get up and pull his clothing back on.

Zagreus made his way back to his room with no further interruptions. He meant to pass through quickly but something caught his eye. He turned and came face to face with his reflection. He looked… different. He couldn’t say how. It was nothing in his physical appearance. Still, Zagreus couldn’t take his eyes off of himself. 

Did he look older? Not that he physically aged, but his eyes looked different. He looked tired. This place was killing him. He had to get out. He tried to cling to that resolve and finally forced his eyes from the mirror. 

Zagreus walked out of his room to the courtyard behind it. He ignored Skelly’s request to train with him and made a beeline for the opening in the wall. He hopped on top of it and looked down at Tartarus below. This was it. He would make it out this time. He would find his mother. He would be free. 

He lept down.

_ Again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! I mean, not really. I'm still planning a sequel and I have a lot more to say, but this is the most I've ever written in such a short amount of time. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I'm not sure when the sequel will start coming out because I wanna work on some other stuff first, but keep an eye out for that.
> 
> As always, I'm @obscenitywitch on Twitter. Please join me in my suffering.

**Author's Note:**

> I've got a lot more planned for this fic. I have a second chapter written and ideas for at least two more. Eventually I want this to be Hurt/Comfort but I think I'm gonna split up the Hurt and Comfort into two fics. So once I finish torturing and traumatizing Zag, he'll get a chance to heal in the sequel. 
> 
> I have a tumblr that I rarely use but if you wanna see some old stuff, my url is witchofobscenity. If you want to come scream about Hades with me in real time, my twitter is @obscenitywitch.


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